silent retreat

2010-07-28T20:44:00.002+08:00

yes im rash, yes i assume a lot, yes i overeact... i know my own flaws and the list doesnt end there... but dont you think that what has happened up to now has made me think that way?

i call you princess, like how you call me little boy... love is blind.. you may have hurt me, but did it matter to me? like most things i've said, it was to make you happy... maybe i shouldnt have called you perfect... what you said is right, we dont know each other well enough.. and thats why i dunno all your positives and negatives. we didnt spend enough time with each other.

if you just want to be friends, im absolutely fine with that. but maybe you should start to find a way to not avoid me. if not, i doubt that friends is even possible. you didnt make mistakes on your own... we made mistakes.. you made mistakes, i made errors.. and we both blindly followed each other's mistakes...

how you let me know isnt important, when i've been finding things out for myself... anyway you're not mean and you're not a coward.. i understand the position you're in. the fact that you found a way to tell me proved that you still had some courage to stand up for yourself and your feelings...

2010-07-21T21:47:00.002+08:00

remember the rain? let it pour and soak me through....

2010-07-18T22:18:00.002+08:00

*Closing your eyes to disappear
You pray your dreams will leave you here
But still you wake and know the truth
No one's there*

how true this is.... everyone has their sweet escape... mine is when i close my eyes... not to dream... when rather to literally escape reality and the truth... and suddenly it seems that the longer i run, the more tired i will be... but how can i stop on endless road to nowhere?

2010-06-03T23:59:00.001+08:00

Incomplete - Backstreet Boys

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you, within me I can find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess

Chorus:
I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I've prayed for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be , incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
but You still wonder if we made a big mistake

Chorus:
I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I've prayed for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be , incomplete

Bridge:
I don't mean to drag it on
But I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go..........

Chorus:
I've try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I've pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you what I'm going to be is, incomplete...

Incomplete....

2010-05-24T23:36:00.002+08:00

i lie on my bed... my handphone held close to my heart... on its screen it is messages from you... im holding back my tears.. my heart is aching... i long for you... but you've gone so far... physically and mentally... i think of you.... and before i know it, my eyes are filled with tears... my face is wet... i feel drained, dead and really want to scream this pain away... coz its been hiding inside for too long... but i've got to hold it in... coz no matter what i say... no one will understand how i feel....

2010-05-15T23:46:00.002+08:00

so as my 17th birthday draws to a close, it will most likely end the way it started... in tears...

last night, i was lying in bed... thinking that before your birthday you too cried... and that started me thinking about the past days... then, i realised how much sadness and hurt there was inside me and suddenly, i was curled up in a ball, sobbing silently into my hands.. all those built up feelings were let out.. then i read your email... i can continue to write my story... but all those new chapters will have blanks that cant be filled... words that are left out... the story is not continuous.. it doesnt make sense... i guess i will have to find a new plot for my tale...

24 days... its like something has been taken out of my life and it feels so unnatural... its going to be 25 soon... and the end is nowhere in sight...

Where The Story Ends - The Fray

Trying not to lose my head
But I've never been this scared before
Tell you what I'll do instead
Lay my body down on the floor
To forget what I've done
Silhouette 'til the good Lord come

All we know is distance
We're close and then we run
Kiss away the difference
I know you hate this one

Trying not to lose your own
Boxing up everything, you've got
All you ever knew of home
You're scared scared to see
Your mother there in the door
You wonder, where did the years go?

All we know is distance
We're close and then we run
Kiss away the difference
I know you hate this one

But this is how the story ends
Or have we just begun
To kiss away the difference
I know you hate this one

The violins make no sound
And I begin to feel the ground

All we know is distance
We're close and then we run
Kiss away the difference
I know you hate this one

But this is where the story ends
Or have we just begun
To kiss away the difference?
I know you hate this one

Listen til he's twenty
Last's til twenty one
Rushing past the window
Like he's watching his own son
And sixty years of sorrow
Brought five to six of bliss
Left my mother's mother
Without so much as a kiss

*if there is where the story ends, then this book isnt worth reading.*

The violins make no sound

And I begin to feel the ground

*oblivious to beauty, lying on the floor shaking*

i've never felt so low in my life... on my birthday... a day to celebrate my bringing into this world... a world of hurt pain and sorrow....

2010-04-25T21:45:00.003+08:00

its the end of an exhausting, cruel week for me.... but what can i say about life for me now? i guess its always been this way for me... starts in hope, ends in nothing... ah the beauty of life..

it doesnt matter what you've done to me... i've put it behind me... its impossible to even imagine that one year ago i was actually so happy.... what's happy? what's not? i cant tell... after a gaming addiction talk and my sudden love for pokemon, i finally realise why i spent this whole weekend playing pokemon... when one has no achievements in reality, he turns to the virtual world to seek a refuge where he is triumphant in every aspect....

but know this, whatever you said, do not take the blame unto yourself... this is no one's fault.... you didnt intentionally hurt me....

extracted from "a place where you belong" by bullet

Too late, too late
I never said goodbye
Too late, too late
Can't even ask you why
And now I'm wasting away
In my on misery
I hope you're finally go,
To a place where you belong

2010-04-20T23:08:00.002+08:00

the clock is ticking, but still no word about it... instead, this week will fail me... and its the most important week of my week... if all that for nothing, then life isnt worth living anymore.... we'll see on that day whether i lose everything in one week... coz if i do, then...

2010-04-20T22:05:00.002+08:00

after all that effort and a near sleepless nights, thinking for days, this was the last thing i expected... well... i guess im just cursed for life... nothing i do is ever good enough... so i ask myself... why should i put myself through all that? there's only one answer: and you should know it....

*can you see me through bloodshot eyes? should i fight for what is right or let it die? now im choking on force fed lies. do i fight or let it die?*

its my eyes bloodshot, its my fight and i fought, but it appears im gonna lose... oh but why should it be anything new? im a loser anyway...

2010-04-18T22:32:00.002+08:00

the second part of my status means nothing... nothing...

im sick and tired of this fucked up life... listening in class, taking notes and doing homework even when im already dead beat and coming to school where my classmates are doing none of that... im tired of deadlines and threats and all that crap... im sick of the way things are run... im sick of hearing about how badly we did in this test or that test or whatever... personally, if u want us to do well, then for goodness sake teach properly... anyone can read the notes... aloud or in their mind... bloody wasting time listening to a lecture with subtitles on the paper in front of me...

bullet for my valentine got it right: The Last Fight

*should i fight for what is right or let it die?*

*I will fight, one more fight!!!!!*

2010-03-25T22:02:00.002+08:00

again....

2010-03-13T23:22:00.002+08:00

why doesnt it bother you??? do you really understand??

2010-03-10T23:20:00.003+08:00

For the special who made my life magical, this song describes everything perfectly....

Your Love is a Song - Switchfoot

yeah

I hear you breathing in
Another day begins
The stars are falling out
My dreams are fading now
Fading out

I've been keeping my eyes wide open
I've been keeping my eyes wide open

(ohh) Your love is a symphony
All around me
Running through me
(ohh) Your love is a melody
Underneath me
Running to me

Oh, your love is a song

The dawn is fire bright
Against the city lights

The clouds are glowing now
The moon is blacking out
Is blacking out

So I've been keeping my mind wide open
I've been keeping my mind wide open, yeah

(ohh) Your love is a symphony
All around me
Running through me
(ohh) Your love is a melody
Underneath me
Running to me

Oh, your love is a song
Your love is a song
Oh, your love is a song
Your love is strong

With my eyes wide open
I've got my eyes wide open
I've been keeping my hopes unbroken
Yeah, yeah

(ohh) Your love is a symphony
All around me
Running through me
(ohh) Your love is a melody
Underneath me
Running to me

Your love is a song
Yeah, yeah
Your love is my remedy
Oh your love is a song

*i love you...*

2010-03-08T21:31:00.002+08:00

haha kk ting ni de hua.... so i'll update my blog... i so long never update coz i'm so tired and busy after training so ya.... training is exhausting, school is fun and boring... certain lessons are a chore.. some are just plain fun... mass pe is torture... but at least its given me some ideas for pt.... and my OG is just the most awesome group of people!!! with all the *ahems* going on... still very fun... although we may have pushed the boundary a little too much on certain people....

haha now must talk about my motivation source.... you are the sweetest person on earth... i wont deny that.... i still feel bad for making you angry and for lying to you.... seeing how forgiving and sweet you are now.... whenever im tired, its you i think of and i suddenly have that extra energy to continue my work... during training, when that last lap is killing my muscles, i think of you and suddenly, they pull faster and my legs kick harder and my timing goes down by about half a second... i really dunno what it would be like without you.... my light in the dark, my strength when im weak, my guide when im lost, my warmth when im cold... i love you darling...

2010-02-28T22:14:00.002+08:00

Vanilla Twilight - Owl City

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'll send a postcard to you, dear
Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist deep in thought because when
I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
(Tonight, tonight, tonight...)

I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear:
"Oh darling I wish you were here"

ok.... maybe my previous post sounded very accusing... im sorry... i just really wanted to spend a little time with you... its not your fault at all.... i dun see why i can blame you when i myself didnt even make the effort to come find you.... like i assumed that when i saw you, i'd be lucky... ok... so dun feel bad anymore ok???

2010-02-27T23:33:00.002+08:00

sigh.... i was really looking forward to seeing you.... but all i saw was your house shirt.... i looked for so long... but you didnt turn.... i looked away disappointed.... with a dull ache in my heart.... maybe thats my retribution for lying to you... i dunno.... but all i know is i was utterly disappointed.... im not angry at all... just very sad.... all i wanted from the evening was to see your pretty face.... maybe if i was lucky i'd get to spend a few minutes with you... it was all i wanted... but still, living with disappointment has more or less become a daily routine.... its either one thing or another....

anyway, acjc is super fun... training is tough but can feel myself improving so thats pretty good... work is stacking up... got a lot to study coz i cant follow in class.... and training is everyday so there goes my weekends...

*sometimes its not the big things we do... the little things count too.......*

2010-02-08T22:14:00.002+08:00

i really hope you'll just read it, even if you hate my guts....

there's really nothing else i can say anymore.... i know what i promised you.... i promised you i'd wait for you, i promised you i'd love you.... when did i say that i'll stop waiting on you? when did i say i'll stop loving you? i'm not perfect.... sometimes we say things that on impulse... i just wanted to make you happy at that time, so i promised you forever.... it was rash and i didnt think of the consequences... why? because i had you in mind at that time.... i wanted you to be happy.... and so i'll gladly take the blame for not actually thinking about it through clearly before saying it...before you say you will not forgive me, and since you've been asking many questions of me, let me ask some questions.... do i think i did not it gave it all i got? how do you think i felt then when u told me not once, but twice that we should stop talking? that was why i was so hurt... i asked myself.. why is the girl i love and she too who says she loves me, is doing this to me? but i know i'm not a perfect person, i make mistakes.... i didn't lie about loving you... i love you... you know i always have... loving someone forever.... do you think you could do it? and do you think that when you're so happy talking to the one you love that you'll actually think about unhappy consequences that might occur due to an impulsive mistake? i dunno about you but i think its pretty hard.... anyway, i'm not making excuses... this is not an excuse... this is an explanation.... whether you decide that i'm lying or otherwise, its up to you.... i beg for forgiveness... forgiveness for a immature error in my ways that has cost both of us... i'm new to this wonderful thing called love... and so when put to the test mistakes are made.... they say to forgive and to forget.... i know you will not forget this.... but will you forgive me?

*but if your mind's made up, i know nothing I say will change it....*

2010-02-06T00:33:00.002+08:00

i couldnt sleep last night... i woke up three times between 12 and 5.40.... i was and am still feeling so guilty.... but we all make mistakes.... why cant we forgive and forget? i really am sorry for what ive done... but nothing i say now can mend the damage i caused.... cause you wouldnt believe me anyway.... i dunno why you got the idea that i didnt love you anymore and that i wouldnt be waiting for you anymore.... i am still here waiting.... and i still love you... but again, i doubt that it matters anymore... after all, you just want me to go away.... and if that is what you want me to do, then i will... but i want you to know that im really really sorry for the wrong things that i said.... and that i still love you.... and that if we still can be friends, i'll thank the heavens.....

2010-02-04T22:01:00.004+08:00

shit shit shit shit shit.... me and my mouth deserve to be shot and burned.... i didnt mean it that way... im sorry.... sorry for what i said, sorry for the promises that i cant keep, sorry for hurting you, sorry for being such a jerk and jackass.... i do not deserve someone as wonderful as you... i do not deserve your love, i do not deserve anything from you.... we all make mistakes.... i made mine... too many of it... but nothing i say now will earn anything from you.... so hate me for life... i'll hate myself too.... for screwing up the best thing ever... for saying things on the spur of the moment... for letting my immature heart take control of the slightly less immature mind.... for causing the one i love to be hurt... i now you're hurt and thats why you're angry at me... i just hope that you'll forgive me....

i've made the mistake of my lifetime.... to lose the one i love... through a moment of rashness to make you happy.... i hope you walk away from this mess i've created unscathed... while i bear the brunt of my mistakes... and dig my grave within this destruction.... i love you despite everything you did to me... i clung on to you... but i guess that all that doesnt matter anymore... coz i hit the self-destruct button.... and its a one-way ticket for me to the land where you banish the unforgiven.... the one who is undeserving... the one who broke your heart... the one who is truly sorry for what he has done...

Rain - Creed

Can you help me out, can you lend me a hand?
It's safe to say that I'm stuck again
Trapped between this life and the light
I just can't figure out, how to make it right...

A thousand times before
I've wondered if there's something more... something more...

I feel it's gonna rain like this for days
So let it rain down and wash everything away
I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine
With every tomorrow comes another life...

I feel it's gonna rain, for days and days
(I feel it's gonna rain)
I tried to figure out, I can't understand...
What it means... to be whole again...
Trapped between the truth and the consequence
Nothing's real, nothing's making sense...

A thousand times before
I've wondered if there's something more... something more...

I feel it's gonna rain like this for days
So let it rain down and wash everything away
I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine
I feel it's going to rain like this... rain like this... rain like this...

Fall down, wash away my yesterdays
Fall down, so let the rain fall down on me...

I feel it's gonna rain like this for days
Let it rain down and wash everything away
I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine
I feel it's going to rain like this... rain like this...

So let the rain fall...
I feel it's gonna rain like this... rain like this...
So let the rain fall down...
I feel it's gonna rain like this...

I feel it's gonna rain.

*i hope your forgiveness will rain down.... although i know you'll see me in a new light*

2010-01-26T22:54:00.002+08:00

and after all that you've said, the point remains the same.... when it comes down to choosing between him and me, you choose him... he's clearly very important to you... im not blaming you... its my fault for loving you... but those words really broke my heart... i couldnt cry... not in front of my parents... but now, in my privacy, the tears cant stop flowing.... what have i done wrong to deserve this ending? this holiday has been fraught with too many downs for me.... i want it to end... but it wont... coz its in the past i live... where it was better than dreams.... but now, its a nightmare i cant wake up from.....

2010-01-25T16:46:00.002+08:00

What Happened to Us? - Hoobastank

[Verse 1]
I thought it was too good to be true
i found somebody who understands me
someone who would help me to get through
and fill an emptiness i had inside me
but you kept inside and i just denied
somethings that we should have both said
i knew it was too good to be true
'cause i'm the only one who understands me...

[Chorus]:
What happened to us?
we used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely
what happened to us?
and deep inside i wonder, did i lose my only?

[Verse 2]
remember they thought we were too young
to really know what it takes to make it
but we had survived off what we have done
so we could show them all that they're mistaken
but who could have known, the lies that would grow,
until we could see right through them
remember they knew we were too young
we still dont know what it takes to make it...

[Chorus]
What happened to us?
we used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely
what happened to us?
and deep inside i wonder, did i lose my only one?

[Verse 3]
we could have made it work, we could have found a way
we shoud of have done our best to see another day
but we kept it all inside until it was too late
and now we're both alone, the consequence we pay
for throwing it all away, for throwing it all away...

[Chorus]
What happened to us?
we used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely
what happened to us?
and deep inside i wonder, did i lose my only?

What happened to us?
What happened to us?
What happened to us?
What happened to us?

2010-01-24T13:36:00.003+08:00

life just keeps getting worse.... now i have a fractured finger.... thankfully its pretty small so should be ok soon.... posting gonna be out on wed... somehow i am hoping i get posted to SAJC.... dunno why also.... suddenly ACJC doesnt seem so attractive to me anymore.... wont be in singapore for CNY coz will be going to hk to visit relatives.... leaving on 12 will be back on 17....

whatever it is, whatever that has happened, its not your fault... there's nothing for you to feel bad about, to feel guilty about....in fact, i feel sorry for your position.... you have to make a decision that cannot have a win-win situation for both sides.... things happen for whatever reason and we just have to accept the way it is.... although some will need more time to accept the truth....

dont blame yourself for anything that has happened.... its not your fault.... the fault is mine for loving you too much....

2010-01-21T21:04:00.002+08:00

Learning to Fall - Boys Like Girls

Today is the day
The worst day of my life
Sulk until it hurts me
I don't know why
The cost of misery
Is at an all time high
I keep it hidden
Close to the surface in sight

I'm learning to fall
I can't hardly breathe
when I'm going down don't worry 'bout me
Don't try this at home
Pretend you don't see
I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me

Could you be with him?
Or was it just a lie?
He doesn't GET you like I do
And you don't know why
You change your clothes and your hair
But I can't change your mind
Oh, I'm uninvited
So unrequited now

I'm learning to fall
I can't hardly breathe
when I'm going down don't worry 'bout me
Don't try this at home
Pretend you don't see
I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me

Words screaming in my head
Why did you leave?
And I can't stop dreaming
Watching you and him
When it should have been
It should have been me

Today is the day
The worst day of my life

I'm learning to fall
I can't hardly breathe
when I'm going down don't worry 'bout me
Don't try this at home
Pretend you don't see
I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me

Whoa (I'm learning to fall, I can't hardly breathe)
(I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me)
Tell me that you know, it should have been me)
Whoa (Don't try this at home, You said you don't see)
I don't want to know that you know, it should've been me
Whoa (I'm learning to fall, I can't hardly breathe)
(I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me)
Tell me that you know, it should have been me
Whoa (Don't try this at home, You said you don't see)
I don't want to know that you know, it should've been me

is this the way the story's meant to end? in tears? is this the way the race finishes? in defeat? is this the fate i deserve? because i get what deserve... is this the way i am to feel forever? lost, confused, hurt and loving you with all my heart and not knowing whether it will be returned... i should have seen this coming, but i was blinded by my love for you... and i end up cold, torn and broken on the floor.... waiting for salvation....

2010-01-20T12:19:00.002+08:00

Pages - There For Tomorrow

The turns you had to take still keep you awake
Down come the walls where you once stood
From constant changes you have made
You'll keep inside 'til you have a say

We change as we get older
We're not to stay
The days we walked are over

Now we just drive away
From everything I know
You're counting days on the back of your hands
You turn the pages 'til you have no more plans

The only time you had to think of all the things involved
Came when you were least expecting
And now it's up to us to replace it
To tell us when ages have made a difference
Cause changes tell just who we are

We change as we get older
We're not to stay
The days we walked are over

Now we just drive away
From everything I know
You're counting days on the back of your hands
You turn the pages 'til you have no more plans

Now we're just miles away
From all that we could be
You're counting days on the back of your hands
We turn the pages

Remember the days you've counted won't be forgotten
I hope you won't leave yourself out
When we turn the pages…

i get it... you choose him....

2010-01-17T21:42:00.003+08:00

Two is Better Than One - Boys Like Girls feat Taylor Swift

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

'Cause maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one
Yeah, yeah

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, "Hey,"

Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When it's all said and done
Two is better than one
Two is better than one

and there i was sitting in the food court eating lunch alone.... and suddenly i thought what if i spent the rest of my life like this... sitting all by myself... doing stuff alone....

maybe im spamming activities now coz i just wanna take my mind off stuff.... forget what i truly feel and hide it behind false feelings i believe to be real...

2010-01-05T01:02:00.002+08:00

On My Own - Saosin

Just say, say ain't so.
This is not the home that I know. (That I know)
I never thought I'd let you down
Never thought I'd let you down
You promised, you promised not to let me drown.

In my deep dreams, you take over me.
In these deep dreams, you take over me.
Can I make it on my own?
Will I ever feel my limbs again?
Is this all in my mind?
Can I make it on my own?
Will I ever feel that way again?
Am I losing my mind?

No way, it's not the same.
This place has had it's way.
I swore I'd never let you down
I never thought I'd let you down.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I let you drown.

In my deep dreams, you take over me.
In these deep dreams, you take over me.
Can I make it on my own?
Will I ever feel my limbs again?
Is this all in my mind?
Can I make it on my own?
Will I ever feel that way again?
Am I losing my mind?
Am I losing my mind?

Something's always pulling me under ground.

Nothing staring back at me.
Is there something waiting there for me?
But there never really was,
There never really was,
And there never really was,
(Something's always pulling me under ground)
Something's always pulling me under.

Will my deep dreams take over me.
Will these deep dreams take over me?
Can I make it on my own?
Will I ever feel my limbs again?
Is this all in my mind?
Can I make it on my own?
Will I ever feel that way again?
Am I losing my mind?

Something's always pulling me under ground.

Open your eyes, tell me why.
Open your eyes, you shall see it.
Open your eyes, tell me why.
Open your eyes, you still sleep with it.
Open your eyes. [x6]

im damaged, hurt and utterly, utterly bewildered.... why? what was your reason for doing this? what was the rationale for your actions? i still am clueless.... without understanding, there can be no recovery.... everyday, i wake up wondering what happened, why it happened and when will i have the full picture and full grasp of reality... i cant keep u off my mind and every thought of you sends knifes into my heart and yet, a warmth through my body....

i cant cry anymore... i try to live each day as i normally would.... but there are days which i spend isolated from my friends... i feel like a loner, a introverted person... like im withdrawn.... my class chalet is on thurs... but suddenly, i'd very much would want that time to be spend alone with myself

coz i do not want to drag my friends down to my level.... of misery....

2010-01-03T22:28:00.001+08:00

no one will understand unless they are me....

2010-01-03T01:34:00.002+08:00

You'll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

2010-01-01T00:02:00.001+08:00

happy new year..... new year?... yup..... happy??... not by a long shot...

2009-12-31T22:00:00.002+08:00

last night i dreamt of you.... i missed you terribly and wanted to hold your hands and you obliged.... then when i called you darling you snatched your hands out of mine and slapped me across the face... i wont say how i felt after i woke up... its obvious....

you're not a jerk... things happen, sometimes out of your control.... i wont blame you for anything... you should know that... and there's absolutely no need to apologise for something that isnt your fault... as for me, you do not need to worry about me at all... recovery is a certainty... how long it will take i dunno... but nowhere near the next 2hours or so... and i'll have to live with the effects of heartbreak.. coz there's nowhere i can run to escape from myself...

2009-12-30T12:31:00.001+08:00

im tearing myself open again and again and again.... why doesnt anyone understand....

2009-12-29T23:01:00.003+08:00

friends it is then... even if it pains me deeply i'll go with your decision.... i hope you will not forget those wad... 7 months??? i hope i was nice enough... i hope i made u happy...

no doubt you were an encouragement, you were sweet, you were great, real awesome and fantastic... a magnificent support for me... and i thank you for that... i will nt forget everything you've done... good or bad....

It's over, look out below
and I'm wasted, I still taste it
Yeah it's so hard to let go
So breathe in now, and breathe it out
The forecast; A car crash
It's looking like another
Breakdown, rebound
This could be my last goodbye
You crossed your heart, I hope to die

And I can't deny your eyes
You know I tried to read between the lines,
I saw a warning sign
And then you threw me up against the wall
Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all

No rewinds, no second times
I won't break, I won't waste
Everything you left behind
So don't follow, just let it go
But the weather's been better
don't let it be another
Breakdown, rebound
This could be my last goodbye
You crossed your heart, I hope to die

And I can't deny your eyes
You know I tried to read between the lines,
I saw a warning sign
And then you threw me up against the wall
Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all

All the nights I spent sitting at home
While you were out there on your own
All the nights I waited by the phone
while you were going it alone
And all your different faces
And all your different ways
of making everything a mess
(And all I'm saying is that)
all your different places and
All the complications laid to rest

And I can't deny your eyes
You know I try to read between the lines,
I saw a warning sign
And then you threw me up against the wall
Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all

And I can't deny your eyes
You know I try to read between the lines,
I saw a warning sign
And then you threw me up against the wall
Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all..

2009-12-29T22:48:00.001+08:00

Different - Acceptance

Tell myself, on the ride home.
Getting tired, hating all I've known.
Holding on, like it's all I have.
Count me out, when it's clear that I, find it hard to say.
And you, find it hard to care.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

Got this way, upfront but never true.
God I'm wrong, it's just the way I am.
Crashing down, any chance you hear.
Caving in, any chance that you, could see inside of me.
And I don't know what to say, It's fine.
This isn't Hollywood.
So fine, getting in your way.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

I'm taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.
Taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

Something that's different
Something that's different

2009-12-29T22:32:00.002+08:00

confused, confused, confused...

but if that's wad u want, then you've got it... even if it carves me open and bleeds me dry... if u dunno wad to do, listen to your heart, do wad you think is right for you... and have no regrets about it... then move on...

but whatever, i'll support your decision... whether or not it hurts me... coz i know that whatever you've decided is best for you... and i said before that as long as its best for you, i'll support you...

2009-12-27T01:29:00.002+08:00

Broken - Lifehouse

The Broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
Is there healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
(I'm still holdin on) (I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
But I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
There is healing
In your name (In your name)
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin')(I'm holdin' on)(I'm still holdin') (I'm holdin' on) (I'm still holdin')
Barely holding on to you (I'm still holdin on)
Barely holdin on to you

a piece of glass... broken once, even if you put it back together, its not the same... break it again, and it'll look even worse.... break it one more time, and you might as well kiss it goodbye... coz its not worth keeping such an ugly thing anymore...

christmas, a time for joy and happiness... but if the broken glass cuts someone, then the fun is lost... the joy vanishes and the happiness will turn to tears of pain of the poor person who got cut...

2009... a year, like all other of my 15 years, with many ups and downs... the downs have caused me to fall hard, real hard and the ups are not enough to pull me back onto my feet... because everytime i get up and take a few steps forward, im sent crashing back down... and i got cut by broken glass on the floor...

and as i said earlier this year.. pain will fade, wounds will heal, but the scars left will never disappear...

and now i've learnt... true love burns the brightest... but will leave the deepest scars....

2009-12-14T23:16:00.002+08:00

hi all... didnt blog for so long coz i was darn busy... first had aviation primer course then followed by 3 weeks cadet officer course... it was a blast... darn lot of new frens and we all had plenty fun... lost my first kiss to a mannequin during first aid training... finally overcame my fear of heights during adventure training.. but i still slipped during high elements and landed on some very uncomfortable locations.. and with a harness, life wasnt the best for a certain part of my body... *ahem*.... dining in was cool.. and the SMA dinner was awesome... food was good and we had fun in the earlier part of the day... 11 dec came real fast and we all passed out... i think we have pretty strong bonds and will always remember those three weeks... right kamikaze??? just attended friendship camp for YOG next year as a volunteer and saw many people from all over the world... had a short chat with this rugby player from libya and discovered that we both supported manchester united... so we had a subject to talk about.. overall, i had a great three weeks and im growing fat... so gotta start working out again...

*am i bright enough to shine in your world???*

2009-11-14T22:56:00.003+08:00

screwing up the best thing ever is something you'll regret forever....

2009-11-14T15:18:00.003+08:00

o levels are over... i kinda wish it was still on though... COC in 9days but there's the aviation course thingy... and i didnt get the CLT trainee rank yesterday... it was one of the many things i screwed up yesterday... sigh... it had been a long, hard and very tiring week for me... got caught in the rain almost everyday and took the papers in wet uniform in an air-con hall... kinda surprised that i didnt fall sick... even if i didnt fall sick physically, i missed someone so badly i could have fallen sick... as i looked through the pictures of your trip, seeing u so happy, i feel happy too... when you were gone, i thought a lot about you, all the happy times and all the things that you said that made me feel so uncomfortable and jealous... thought about when sometimes i drop subtle hints, sometimes maybe too subtle and you miss it... but its not your fault... like u said, its my fault for falling for you, for loving you...

im just glad you're back and that you've enjoyed yourself...

it hurts when you are kept in the dark and have to find out everything by yourself... even when trust is supposed to be mutual...

2009-11-09T22:30:00.002+08:00

its only been 27 hours since i last posted, but it has felt like a yesterday was a long long time ago... even though chelsea played united less than 24 hours ago, i felt as though that was the happening of the last season... darling, i really really miss you badly.. so bad until my heart aches every morning when i wake up... during my day, i try not to but i keep thinking of wad you might be doing now 4454km away from me... i want to sleep more now, in hopes of dreaming of you and that 4454km will become nothing coz when i dream of you, its like entering a blissful oblivion where nothing else matters any more... darling, i miss you and really really look forward to you coming home...

2009-11-08T19:54:00.002+08:00

its sunday... its been three days(or as you would say it, chi days) without you.... i miss you so badly alr.... time seems to have slowed down so much... minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days, days feel like months... i think this is the longest week im gonna have.... two nights since u left and i've alr dreamt twice about you... i dunno how, but im gonna have to struggle through the next 5 days... i miss you darling... very very much:(

2009-11-02T21:33:00.001+08:00

what's that empty feeling in my heart???? is it an anticipation of a feeling that im gonna miss someone very badly????

2009-10-31T23:55:00.001+08:00

pain will subside, wounds will heal, but the scars left will never fade away....

2009-10-14T22:43:00.002+08:00

if you only knew.... maybe you'd treat the people around u better....

2009-10-14T21:34:00.000+08:00

Interpret this however you want to......

Shinedown - If You Only Knew

If you only knew

I'm hanging by a thread
The web I spin for you
If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I lose you
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
I swear I've lived and learned

It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew

If you only knew
How many times I counted
All the words that wen't wrong
If you only knew
How I refuse to let you go,
Even when you're gone
I don't regret any days I
Spent, nights we shared,
Or letters that I sent

It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew

If you only knew
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
You help me live and learn

It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, believe in is you
I still believe in you
Oh, if you only knew

2009-10-03T23:23:00.000+08:00

i try nt to show it... but im bitterly bitterly bitterly disappointed.... i think wad leonard said is true.... the price to pay for love is pain...

2009-10-02T22:53:00.000+08:00

to sum some things up : selflessness breeds a sense of taking things for granted. this results in a unappreciative feelings. when one feels unappreciated, anger and hurt will swell... Anger and hurt wears and tears a person, it degenerates him/her... dont take anything for granted, because only when u lose it, u will realise how important it really was, just that you didn't notice it.....

2009-07-12T21:54:00.000+08:00

ok.... i;m back... sorry to all who have been waiting for me to blog again.... i only blog abt interesting things that happen... coz i dun see the point abt blogging abt ordinary life..... well... yesterday i had my POP, COC and AP.... POP and COC we decided to scare kevin abit to make him think that he was not getting the double post of part c i/c and acsm.... haha.... he gt fooled.... sorry ar kevin.... it was fun seeing u so worried..... ooops.... anyways, congratz to kevin teng to be appointed the next acsm and all new appointment holders.... AP was smooth.... a few cock ups from me.... yes.... i forgot to salute a certain someone.... sian.... more like too worried abt joe's rank.... ahem.... yes.... ok... Guest of honour was mr Mah Bow Tan... sji old boys really support their alma mater.... so touching.... anyway.... weather was great and cooling... parade went smoothly.... hand over was good.... then AP was over.... i fulfilled by role as colours RSM.... we went back to parade square where me, teng and lee xun had a simple handover ceremony.... yupz... kevin gt the pace stick and the sesh.... and he had to do ten one handed push ups(i did with him).... some jumping jacks... he screwed up and then spin around the pace stick 20 times.... haha.... he gt so dizzy after 12.... so i let him stop.... sian la... we getting quite slack now... and WALA!!!! kevin teng is the new SJI NCC AIR ACSM.... then.... i watched the 'death' of some of my part mates.... quite sadistic leh.... i almost died too.... then our part a i/c died a cruel death:)..... haha.... for details ask him:)..... anyways.... yuppz... im not long-winded... so i'll end here....

2009-05-27T21:24:00.000+08:00

ok.... i hav decided to review this blog.... at the request of someone *cough*lester lee*... well.... gt my mid year results.... quite ok except e maths and english.... haiz.... well.... e maths was expected coz i know i didnt prepare well.... ok.... maths teacher was encouragin us to apply for DSAs to JCs.... he must have been apalled by our mid year results.... coz people were shoutin in class that if that was their o level results, they would be goin to.... erm.... lets not disclose..... haiz.... if that was my o level score, i would hav gone to CJC..... tomorrow gotta run trg coz csm gt mother tongue exam on mon.... must go home and revise hard..... n speakin abt mother tongue, the school came up with this helpful and meaningful mother tongue intensive programme where we have 4 periods of my favourite lesson a day.... so thoughtful and wonderful of the school to do so.... i mean.... now i really look forward to school now.... chinese is so interesting...... ok.... life has been erm, more meaningful coz some things have happened and at least everyday got something to look forward to.... never actually felt this kind of feelin before for anyone.... haha.... is it "ThatSpecialHer"???? now its time for bed.... gonna wake up to watch the clash of the titans - manchester united vs barcelona.....

2009-04-21T22:11:00.000+08:00

SCREW INTER-UNIT GAMES DAY.... IT WAS AN ABSOLUTE FARCE...... SCREW THE DARN LINESMAN..... THANKS FOR HELPING SCOUTS SCORE..... U CLAIM HANDBALL..... BUT WATCH WHERE YOU WERE STANDING... AT THE CENTRE LINE HAVING A CHAT WITH UR FRENS..... AND U GAVE SCOUTS A PENALTY..... U DESERVE THE MEDAL DUDE...... JOEY.... GET A MORE RELIABLE LINESMAN NEXT TIME LA..... AND LINESMAN...GO READ THE RULEBOOK LA..... U COST US OUR SILVER MEDAL AND THE MY LAST CHANCE TO PLAY AGAINST NCC LAND.... THANKS AR..... ok..... sch has been quite hectic.... all three sci teachers all chionging skill 3..... zzz..... well..... with AP rehearsals and oral exams and muggin for MYEs......mother tongue MYE was retarded..... P1 was easy like shit.... P2 was a killer.... i might as well jus roll a dice for MCQ..... well..... at least AP i gt the appointment i wanted- Colours Party RSM...... fun sia..... although i screwed up a few times.... cant get any worse can i?...... well..... today....21/04..... is the happiest day of my life for a main reason that i will tell a privileged few.... but those who know of my past might be able to guess..... hint: it has nothing to do with sch....... well.... my 2.4km run went well today..... 9min34sec..... improve 15sec from last year.... which is good..... i now must work on my pullups so that i can retain the gold.... i wish mr tahir would come back..... now must start to work harder for MYE..... well..... SJI NCC Air gt the gold award in the BUC..... best unit was ACS(I).... they were also overall best..... congratz to them..... quite a lot happenin in ncc air at the moment..... gotta prep the part cs for their spec course......well.... first gotta prep myself for lessons tmr by sleeping.....

2009-03-25T23:19:00.001+08:00

...ok..... back to bloggin.... inactive due to my addiction to computer games and laggy internet..... zzz..... well..... nothin much to say.... except for my holidays..... was spent doin hw..... wasnt selected to go for adc although the forecast of events blatantly put "CSM and ACSM"..... zzz..... never mind.... lost opportunity..... ok.... spent those fpour days playin computer games and attemptin to do homework.... finished need for speed undercover..... last race was retarded.... gov me a car with noob acceleration and top speed and ask me total another car with heat 6 cops on my tail... zzz... took half an hour to finish...... went to bugis street on thurs to get some berms and bought a belt from topman and a tshirt from OG..... friday was spent chionging hw..... so was sat and sun..... went down with bad stomachache and diarrhoea on sat and sun... must the mcdonald's lunch of mcspicy.... every time i eat gt this prob..... haiz..... went back to sch on mon... mixed feelings..... nothin much to blog abt this time.... but i reli wan to rant at some people lik glen koh...... "i want to make my own choices........ i am nt even 16 yet and i hav my freedom of choice taken away from me.... wad is this?' wah... not bad.....quite mature ..... quite profound language..... even keith and vivek also can accpet it...... U R A LEADER..... SET AN EXAMPLE...... ask u swim 50m only FOR OUR CLASS.... this lyrics from part of the song "the tempest" by pendulum are for you and some other select few people...... you all are champions who hav made an impact in my life and today i can finally see you for who u reli are.....

I know that i can help you
But i jus dun fucking want to
And the FEELING is stronger by the day

Too late you dropped the drawbridge
You let the vampires in
You caused this shit to happen and now u want out

Too late you dropped the drawbridge
You let the vampires in
i hope u knw now tt its nobody's fualt but yours....

2009-03-15T22:39:00.000+08:00

back to bloggin..... well.... wad can i say...... been a long and hard term..... was doin company cmap even during my exam period..... in the end it was quite successfull with hiccups along the way and freak accidents tt happen.... ok..... company camp: my role was plan n run so i wasnt reli involved in the actvities until the second day when we played mass games..... the cadets were goin to play a water bomb game where they had to protect their flag from getting wet..... but the specs and clts wanted to join.... and we did.... and we kenna gang-bang..... after tt..... we took our revenge of course..... went for dinner with sir lester, sir lee xun and sir terence..... the mm was at tanglin cc and gt no one at the cafe.... slept lik a pig when i gt home.... school mass swim was on the followin tue..... swam relay for my class.... we gt out tactics wrong and finished 4th in the level..... well..... gotta train harder..... yupz...... reli gotta train harder during the holidays..... chitty and jit ray going for supernum..... nt selected to go.... gt time to train and do homework..... ok.... one day....i went to play soccer with my frens after sch.... since i hadn;t played in weeks, i mis-kicked the ball and it almost hit someone..... BASKET..... I KENNA KAO BEI LEH..... BASKET I FRANTICALLY APOLOGISING THEN THAT SOMEONE SAY "YOU KICK THE BALL THAT TIME U KICK IN UR OWN AREA. LATER U HIT ME IT WILL BE TOO LATE TO SAY SORRY." SOME PEOPLE THINK THEY FUNNY..... EAT GLASS GROW UP AR... SO FRAGILE AR???? HIT ALREADY WILL BREAK AND SHATTER INTO A THOUSAND PIECES AR???? NOT EVERY ONE PERFECT OK..... SOME PEOPLE HAVE TO LEARN TO ACCEPT OTHERS MISTAKES.... YOU CANT BE SATISFIED IN EVERY WAY OF LIFE.... LIVE WITH THAT...... bloody hell.... spoil my whole day la...

wah lao man utd.... wan lose also dun lose until lik tt la..... make me lose face in front of all my frens.... 4-1 nia..... totally wrong tactics played..... haiz... torres made vidic look lik an idiot..... haiz..... doesnt matter..... we still are 4 points ahead with one game in hand..... next game against fulham.... hopefully we will improve there and then.... and hope liverpool slip... as they usually do after winning a big game.... lik their 2-1 win at anfield over man u.... after tt they lose so many points.... and man u improved lik siao.... i hope this defeat has brought man u back down to earth and stop their showboating football..... after this season.... i might consider supporting west ham united..... yupz....

2009-02-17T23:22:00.000+08:00

ok... haven been bloggin due to my modem bein spoit... actually i dun think it was the modem but rather the telephone cables..... ok... that is irrevelant..... first... let me rant abt some irresponsible class comm members..... DO YOUR F**KING DUTY LA..... AND DUN LEAVE YOUR PLATE FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO CLEAR IT FOR YOU LA U..... DUN THINK U CLASS COMM U BIG LA ASSHOLE..... ok... felt better... some people jus askin for trouble..... well..... had quite an unevenful week unless u counted sports day and NCC trainfire last friday..... what is worrying is that i am feelin heavily stressed now even though o levels are 9 months away.... ncc company camp.... biggest source of my headache... cant complain.... part of my duty as a spec.... so i will do it..... wad i reli need nw is a good long sleep to clear my mind so tt i can mug and plan at the same time.... mug for CT.....o levels yet.... now i am reli sleepy and blur so i cant reli think of wad to write.... all i know is that i was listenin to this song by avenged sevenfold... called blinded in chains and i think the lyrics are quite "straight-forwardly" referrin to a childhood friend of mine tt recently approached me for help.... thing is.... i cant stand his greed for "power"... lik football captains..... he controls the whole team when we are jus havin fun.... takes things too seriously i guess.... ok... here are the lyrics....

And we're at it again, I turn around another fucking war, man,
I don't know where to begin, but I'll start with the radical leaders
Their steps we're followin'

Running, don't go back and fight, too many you'll lose
(And as clowns you follow suit behind the blood between the red and white and blue but it's too deep for you to see and everyone eventually will take the step cause it's in sight you take the left I'll take the right I feel the hate you've built for me and I say pay attention baby)

As they thank the Lord the blind can't see
Like a plague fed to the brain, deadly disease A-Whoa!

But it wasn't a sin, a sorry life judging every action
And as they're feeding your mind with this shit you forget How to speak and ask all the questions.

A Business is at hand tonight, make the people choose (I see another side in you but there's not much more I can do from on the outside looking in your government is listenin' to push you on the story of immortal father mortal son give them your mind and all your wealth the cycle will rebirth itself)
If they had it their way I'd burn in Hell and your future's a fuckin' disaster can't you see?
Give them all the power when your future's in desperate trouble baby

As they thank the Lord the blind can't see
Like a plague fed to the brain, deadly disease

I'd run away tonight with my mind still intact I'm gonna make it alright
Easier said than done with no place to hide and having no place to
Running away from condition, I see but you're running away from
Your scared seductive system

Most would claim I live a lie (I live a lie)
When pointing out it's easy to predict these things (predict these things)
Every color has its side, (I have a side!)
They live together vote and most embrace the same dark times.(Aaah-ahh)
Please help us, please save us, of course they have control we're all the same.

Up on the cross, crucified their problem drove the nail and let Him rot
Family and friends, it won't matter in the end I'm sure they'll understand
Now look at the world and see how the humans bleed, as I sit up here
and wonder 'bout and how you sold your mind body and soul!
Looking at the fields so green I know this sounds obscene
I see you're livin' for tomorrow but decisions you have made will leave you empty

As they thank the Lord the blind can't see
Like a plague fed to the brain, deadly disease

I'd run away tonight with my mind still intact I'm gonna make it alright
Easier said than done with no place to hide and having no place to RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!

(Bass Riff)(Ahhhhhhhhhh!!)
You've fallen asleep in denial
Look at the way we're dyin' Whoa-whoa
How it ends I'll never know whooooa!
Just live your life blind like me!(ahhhhh! Ahh ehhhh!)

2009-02-02T20:58:00.000+08:00

woots.... so happy..... swam a personal best on sunday...... 22s for 40m..... that would be roughly 27s for 50m...... i reli cannot believe the kind of improvement i have made over the past year..... i remember when i first starting swimmin..... that was when i was 5 or 6.... cant reli remember.... achieved bronze and silver by P2, took gold at the end of P3 and gt gold star at mid P5..... super achievements for me.... stopped swimmin at P6 due to PSLE and never took it up again until my coach offered to teach me how to coach... then the interest revived.... but was reli behind.... had to swim often but with rusty skills, i was swimmin with the incorrect stroke.... so couldnt reli improve..... then the breakthrough came at sec 3, when i my ex-coach wanted to send me n a few frens for competition.... trained everyday and he helped me to correct my stroke... saw my timing drop drastically... sadly my condo pool is 40m long.... so all timings stated is for 40m.... timings dropped from 33 to 27 in months.... then after competition i had other goals and continued training and continue to see good results... finally, i am this close to reaching an accpetable level..... 22s for 40m, abt 27s for 50 that is nt bad for me since i only started may last year.... ok... enough "bragging".....

some people reli jus deserve to drop dead and die for the type of things that can actually come out of their mouth...... and others for comin up with ridiculous ideas that benefits no one.....

absolutely love "Afterlife" by Avenged Sevenfold....

Like walking into a dream, so unlike what you've seen
so unsure but it seems, ’cause we’ve been waiting for you
Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste
of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway

I see a distant light, but girl this can't be right
Such a surreal place to see so how did this come to be
Arrived too early

And when I think of all the places I just don't belong
I've come to grips with life and realize this is going too far

I don't belong here, we gotta move on dear escape from this afterlife
’Cause this time I'm right to move on and on, far away from here

A place of hope and no pain, perfect skies with no rain
Can leave this place but refrain, ’cause we've been waiting for you
Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste
of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway

This peace on earth's not right (with my back against the wall)
No pain or sign of time (I’m much too young to fall)
So out of place don't wanna stay, I feel wrong and that's my sign
I've made up my mind

Gave me your hand but realize I just wanna say goodbye
Please understand I have to leave and carry on my own life
I don't belong here, I gotta move on dear escape from this afterlife

Like walking into a dream, so unlike what you've seen
so unsure but it seems, ’cause we’ve been waiting for you
Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste
of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway

I see a distant light, but girl this can't be right
Such a surreal place to see so how did this come to be
Arrived too earlyAnd when I think of all the places I just don't belong
I've come to grips with life and realize this is going too far

I don't belong here, we gotta move on dear escape from this afterlife
’Cause this time I'm right to move on and on, far away from here

A place of hope and no pain, perfect skies with no rain
Can leave this place but refrain, ’cause we've been waiting for you
Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste
of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway

This peace on earth's not right (with my back against the wall)
No pain or sign of time (I’m much too young to fall)
So out of place don't wanna stay, I feel wrong and that's my sign
I've made up my mind

Gave me your hand but realize I just wanna say goodbye
Please understand I have to leave and carry on my own life

I don't belong here, I gotta move on dear escape from this afterlife
’Cause this time I'm ready to move on and on, far away from here
Got nothing against you and surely I'll miss you
This place full of peace and light, and I’d hope you might
take me back inside when the time is right

Loved ones back home all crying ’cause they're already missing me
I pray by the grace of God that there's somebody listening
Give me a chance to be that person I wanna be(I am unbroken; I’m choking on this ecstasy)
Oh Lord I'll try so hard but you gotta let go of me(Unbreak me, unchain me, I need another chance to live)

*Solo*
(Screaming)
(Laughing)

I don't belong here, I gotta move on dear escape from this afterlife
’Cause this time I'm ready to move on and on, far away from here
Got nothing against you and surely I'll miss you
This place full of peace and light, and I’d hope you might
take me back inside when the time is right

2009-01-31T23:36:00.000+08:00

end of a week filled with holidays..... had a PSF gathering yesterday at Martin's house.... me n xuan gt a lift from gewei's mum all the way to martin;s at tanah merah..... so nice of her..... so... we reached at 1.30..... the first to arrive..... played pool and helped to prepare some food before the others arrived..... when more came.... we had to "book" the pool table..... me, bryan david, theodore, jing han and jerald played soccer.... until we heard thunder and i screamed that i didnt want to die(i was the tallest one there).... went back to drink and eat.... then saw my poor frens who were bbq-in for so long.... so i took over.... burnt myself a few times and inhaled a lot of smoke n still had to endure horrible singing from the inside the house..... my poor self...... then we played indian poker and i lost the first time.... drank a concoction of pandan cake, watermelon, grapes and grass jelly with nata de coco and pineapple..... the after that made a deal with edwin and i never lost after tt.... sabo-ed yamani to do a dance in front of gewei.... and unsurprisingly, gewei gt horny..... me, chitty, bryan, xuan, gewei and tiankai stayed overnight.... played mahjong until 2..... then showered and then slept.... BD and chitty ks-ed me to the sofa... so i slept on the armchair.... woke at 8, ate breakfast and played more pool..... then gt a lift back from gewei's parents again.... slept when i gt home.... soccer-ed and went for the condo's cny celebrations... played some games that would revive my childhood memories...... cant believe that at sec 4 i still playin these kind of games..... talked a bit and then went home..... tomorrow aim to do 750m butterfly and try my best to cut my timing by 1sec.... already gettin very hard to cut my timing..... but with determination... i will.....

2009-01-27T22:45:00.000+08:00

ok... back to bloggin after takin about 2 weeks leave..... too much has happened so i will only say the important things that has happened

Sec 1 OC 2

ok.... stayed throughout this whole camp.... so did most of the psfs... i dun knw.... maybe becoz all wanted to see ******, yea so anyway.... had fun.... shouted myself hoarse during house session... GO GO LAWRENCE HOUSE..... then i went for training.... attached to the part bs.... had real fun with them... retaught all the drills that they had learnt.... then taught two simple drills.... we all laughed and had fun.... yea... trg should be like this.... instead of avoidin pumpin to make cadets happy.... coz the cadets agreed that training was fun that day..... went back to camp after a quick nap in the ncc air room.... makan-ed and prepared for reflection..... day officially finished at 0200... bastard-ed the PSLs on their un-cooperation.... went to shower and then slept at 0430... chitty rudely interrupted my sleep by wakin me at 0700.... didnt go for breakfast.... no appetite..... slacked until about 1115 then went to prepare lunch.... had lunch then did carpark duty at cjc... slacked until we had to go into the PAC for song singing and cheers.... played soccer until 7 and then went for dinner at botak jones with my parents.... went home and slept lik a pig...

ok... chinese O level results.... grade: B, level(i think): 3, Oral: pass(OMGZZZZ)

new phone: SE W302.... budget phone... not requiring such an expensive one as i already hav an ipod Touch.... my xpressmusic LCD spoil sia...

CNY: Happy CNY to all.... late i knw..... visited only two frens of my mum.... nt likely of me to say this... but the baby was so cute....... wanted to see it crawl.... but their parents didnt allow.... ate a lot of goodies.... had to swim lik mad when i gt home..... building up muscle endurance now.... almost injured it...... somemore gymed after swimmin on mon..... and then swam again today morn.....hence, i chose to play badminton in the afternoon to prevent any more strain... but could nt resist but to do about 100 push ups and 50 leg raises when i gt home.... now my arms feel painful... jus chiong finish my homework..... looking forward to the hol on fri... thanks sec 4s 2008.... giv us another long weekend.... we must repay the favour.... dun knw how... or keep the holidays flowing..... jan is almost over.... my aim is starying mid-feb to start my sec 3 work revision..... must start early coz i knw the moment i procrastinate... i will never start..... yupz.... so will try to blog more often.... if possible... when possible.....

2009-01-12T20:57:00.000+08:00

WTF...WTF...WTFF.... this world is now turning against me.... first my phone died on thursday.... my screen display spoilt... which means that i cant see shit on my phone... went home to tell me mum..... she told me weekend we try to get you a new one..... then suddenly my phone ok again... then i went for sec 1OC... which was darn fun but darn tiring... scolded some sec 1 group for making too much noise during one of the serious sessions and the PSL wasnt doin anything about it..... looking forward to the next OC.... then my phone died on me again.... got really damned pissed... when i got home, i asked my mum to find out about promotions from a handphone shop.... then i went to macs and had dinner and then slept..... next morn i saw that the SE S500 was quite reasonably priced... so i asked my mum if she could get it.... at first she wanted to repair my expressmusic even though i told her that there was no point.... then my father HAD to butt in and make all sorts of accusations like "he doesnt need a good phone.....i think he purposely spoil his phone so that he can get a new one".... F**K LA... YOU DONT ANYHOW F**KING GO BLAME PEOPLE FOR DOING THINGS THAT THEY F**KING DIDNT DO LA.... really pissed with him.... now at cold war..... so today my mum took me to get a new phone..... wah.. frustrating like siao..... S500 out of stock at clementi.... walked so f**king long to hear that S500 no stock....... then went to lot 1 to see if down there the S500 got stock...also no stock..... waste my time.... went to the nokia store and found one nokia phone... cant remember which model had many functions and cost less tha $250... then my mum was lik "you dun wan nokia one wad... i know u wan SE... why u still wanna get nokia? why not u wait until weekend?" F**K.... ANOTHER ONE THINK THAT THEY ARE SOLVING THE PROBLEM..... LET ME TELL YOU: YOU ARENT SOLVING MY PROBLEM..... YOU SO MANY LIMITATIONS..... I'D RATHER DO WITHOUT THE PHONE...... WAD LESS THAN $300.... MUST STAY WITH U FOR 2 YEARS..... F**K LA..... U THINK U FUNNY AR?.... I RATHER NO PHONE STILL LET YOU PAY MY HANDPHONE BILL AND THEN END OF YEAR GET NEW PHONE.... I TELL U AR..... THIS WEEKEND FOR SURE...FOR SURE SAY " THIS WEEK WE GOT NO TIME... NEXT WEEK THEN WE GET"...... U THINK I DUN KNW U TWO MEH...... F**CKING RETARDED SIA.......

2009-01-08T22:06:00.000+08:00

back and sch and quite busy hence havin less time to blog... yupz.... back to sch means work, work takes time... so i hav less time to blog....but neva mind... thats irrelavant..... will be goin for sec 1 orientation camp tomorrow as a PSF... so cool.... wad we planned for so long is going to be a reality.... did quite a bit of swimming over the past few days.... dun know why now so inspired to swim more..... many new teachers in sch now.... shall not elaborate more.... today.... mr ho and mr lam compared their "tans" with mine.... called me black.... am i really that black???? same class, same teachers, but this year with gewei whole day "kao-bei-in" the teacher... life has become less dull in class.... reli dun knw wad to talk about now....

i absolutely love my iTouch..... reli damn nice device....my handphone life is ebbin away

again i will post another set of lyrics of one of my favourite songs.... called The Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin

emotive unstable you're like an unwinding cable car
Listening for voices, but it's the choices that make us who we are
Go your own way, even seasons have changed just burn those new leaves over
So self-absorbed you've seemed to ignore the prayers that have already come about

This is the correlation of salvation and love
Don't drop your arms
Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in
La lalalala, la la la, la lala, laLa lalalala, la la la, la lala, la

Backing away from the problem of pain you never had a home
You've been misguided, you're hiding in shadows for so very long
Don't you believe that you've been deceived? that you're no better than...
The hair in your eyes, it never disguised what you're really thinking of

This is the correlation of salvation and love
Don't drop your arms
Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in
This is the correlation of salvation and love(Don't drop your arms)
Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in

You're so brilliant, don't soon forget
You're so brilliant, grace marked your heart
You're so brilliant, don't soon forget
You're so brilliant, grace marked your heart
You're so brilliant (This is the correlation)
Don't soon forget (Between salvation and love, don't drop your arms)
You're so brilliant (I'll guard your heart)
Grace marked your heart (With quiet words I'll lead you in and out of the dark)

La lalalala, la la la, la lala, la
Don't drop your arms
La lalalala, la la la, la lala, la

This is the correlation of salvation and love (La lalalala, la la la, la lala, la)(Don't drop your arms)Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart (La lalalala, la la la, la lala, la)
With quiet words I'll lead you in
This is the correlation of salvation and love (La lalalala, la la la, la lala, la)(Don't drop your arms)Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart (La lalalala, la la la, la lala, la)
With quiet words I'll lead you in

2009-01-01T00:23:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL.... jus wanna say thanks to all my friends who have stuck by me this year... helped me through thick and thin.... shared laughter and joy and pain.... well 2008 was in a way great, helped me to broaden my mind... also very hurtful and painful in many ways... learning uncomfortable truths and goin through the most unthinkable... now looking back.. i think i was jus naive, rash and stupid... for those who know and remember what i am talking abt... well.... took me 6 months to repair the damage done for 6 days of bliss.... had many meaningful camps this year... made many new friends... shared new experiences.... bonded us tighter together.... with great power comes great responsibility...i really think i gotta show that i can live up to the job f SJI NCC Air's ACSM...... i gotta study for my o levels.... really wanna make my parents proud and happy.... will live each day to the fullest from now on.... will really do my best to excel in everything i do.... but most importantly, i will not be rash and naive from now on... coz one wrong step and you will sent plungin in a hole so deep u will take forever to climb out and continue with life...

My new year resolution: no more vulgarities and i will make it happen.... oh yea that is for sure....

2008-12-30T21:41:00.000+08:00

i'm back.... nothin to say this time... but found this old but really great song... by a fantastic band... called "never take friendship personal" by anberlin

There's a hatchet got a knife
When I awoke there was nothing real in this life
But dreams are so intoxicating, (intoxicating)
When you're doing this alone
Gun, rope, brick on the way
But words have no meaning when its you that says
I really do care, no baby I, I really do care!

Innocence gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?
In a sense gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?

Once a skeptic, now the critic
And you think that you finally found a place of your own.
Amongst the cold and timid souls
Where only failure knows your name
Look around for the closest to blame
But look no further than the hands beneath your arms
and now your 6 feet down, buried with, with your passing fame fame fame fame.

Innocence gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?
In a sense gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?

Oh, oh, oh, you lie
Tell me something more than what you tried to hide
If you can't find yourself, then how can I expect to find you.
Oh, oh, oh, you cry
Tell me something more than what you try
The greatest tragedy is not your death
But a life without reason, your life has no purpose
Your life has no reason, your life has no purpose

Innocence gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?
In a sense gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?
Innocence gone, never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
Why should I hold you now?

2008-12-29T16:12:00.000+08:00

well..... the sunday has been kind to me...... gymed in the morning at 7.20 but couldnt maintain long coz of stupid stomachache..... went home to shit then i swam..... swam about 1.5km.... went home to bath, eat, watch tv and then play com..... cut my hair today.... the hairdresser screwed it up a bit..... went up to mr bernard low's party to like celebrate his child's first month.... saw mr augustine goh and mr daniel chua.... later heard that mr tung and many more came..... played more com and then went ot buy a bday present for my friend.... went to his house later..... i swear i have never seen someone living in such luxury before..... i mean his house is huge and every square inch is either gold or silver..... had a bbq on the roof and he showed us around..... wtf la..... bbq was awesome.... and the view from the roof was magnificent.... wad to expect.... he lives like near CBD and was on the 25th storey.....at night the view was really fantastic... watched friends play Wii... pity couldnt eat the cake as i had to leave....gt damned curfew..... chatted in the car on the way back.... discussed the house more than the party...both were great but the house.... haiz.... work hard.... can work my whole life and still will be unable to have that kind of $$$$..... chiong-ed maths hw when i gt back..... hav to finish chem and chinese and then i am free.... but only 3 days left.... why does time pass so fast....

2008-12-27T23:31:00.000+08:00

ok.....seriously not used to frequently blogging.... haha....christmas is well...sad to say.....over...... really missed havin all that fun with my friends....

Tuesday
Eve of christmas eve..... kinda forgot wad i did in the morning..... went running in the afternoon and then played soccer.... had a fantastic match..... but off-form......

Wednesday
Wanted to swim in the mornin with my friends but couldnt due to the rain.... weather nowadays is a scam... i bet the weatherman will be out of a job soon with the predictions he is makin.... went back to sch to do chinese project that we never really did.... played cards with friends after i reached home..... played for over an hour... before i went home to change and go for the christmas party..... had a wide spread at the party.... pizza... ham... turkey and much much more..... ate like a pig and promised to spend christmas exercising.... played more cards at the party and watched a video of my friend's trip to hokkaido.... quite interestin if u only knew what they were actually doin....

Thursday
Christmas day.... woke up to swim in the morning with my friends... fuckin water was freezing..... two days of no sun and raining the whole day on christmas eve.... swam only for a while then went to play soccer and gymed in the afternoon.... yups... my christmas is boring....

Friday
morn was wasted slackin and my homework hardly touched.... swam in the afternoon and did a good number of laps..... then played soccer and managed to improve my shot....

Sat
Woke up to run...after the run i went home to watch tv.... then started hw at last..... went out for lunch before returning home to play soccer match.... wad can i say..... it was something lik a domination..... played cards until my mum came to find me and gave me a good scolding.... had KFC dinner and now blogging..... planning to gym and swim tomorrow morn and then go for a bbq in the evening.... well.... sch is starting soon.... this holiday has flown and i am sure next year would be extremely stressful.....

Well.... absolutely love this song by bullet for my valentine...its called The Poison

The Poison - Bullet For My Valentine

Now is your time to die
We've gathered here to say goodbye
No more you'll cry
No reason left for you to fight
Feel pain no more
Emotions never felt before
Where do we go, we go she'll never know

Holding on to you, To keep from falling
Your eyes are closing now
Another chapter's ending

Hard times we always saw
There's nothing left of you no more
Fear has no place, (no place)
cover her face

Holding on to you,
To keep from falling
Your eyes are closing now
Another chapter's ending
This is our last goodbye (goodbye)
This is our time tonight (goodbye)

(Holding on to you)
(Cover over-her face)

Holding on to you
To keep from falling

Holding on to you
To keep from falling
Your eyes are closing now
Another chapter's ending
This is our last goodbye (goodbye)
This is our time tonight (goodbye)

(This is our last goodbye)

2008-12-22T22:15:00.000+08:00

Well...today was what i call a screwed-up day..... Alarm disturbed me at 0930..... slept until 1015..... had breakfast and played com until 1320... the i walked to the coffee shop near my house and da-bao-ed chicken rice....i swear that chicken rice is the best i have ever eaten...and its cheap.... i mean cheap...$2.70 with added rice..... my mum and sis went to OG albert park and only got backed at 1745....that was f**ked.... could not go and play soccer until 1800... shouted at my mum over the phone and hung up on her.... still couldnt believe i did that...but was really damned pissed at that time.... i played cards with friends until 2030..... had dinner and now celebrating my dad's birthday..... well..... hope tomorrow will be more meaningful..... learnt a couple of good lessons in the past few days.... well... the victims of the brutal assualt should know what i mean... still unable to understand how some people can be so short-sighted....it was just for recreation...well.... never mind....